This has been a rough fiscal year for Smith College. Though Smith's alumni network is 53,000 alums strong, the average donation among alums was a paltry $35k. With most of the budget going towards putting colorful amorphous blob chairs in the Neilson and bananas in the dining halls, administration has been forced to attempt to use the college's large endowment to finance operation costs. Unfortunately, no one knows how to do that.
Smith has now resorted to a campus sponsorship, pairing with the Food Network brand The Pioneer Woman. We have been informed by a mole in administration that this change will be gradual and unobtrusive. The changes will be implemented by tomorrow with the following measures:
Smith's official color palette will change from HEX codes 1A2C57 and F2B944 (known as Blueberry Blue and Piss Yellow) to the official Pioneer Woman color palette
All Smith sports teams will receive new uniforms featuring the visage of Ree Drummond in the revised official palette
All house kitchens will be outfitted with Pioneer Woman brand kitchen supplies including but not limited to pots, pans, and whisks. Any broken burners or appliances will be further damaged in the process.
President McKathy will change her legal name to President Woman
With the funds secured from the partnership with The Pioneer Woman, the Smith College administration plans to refurbish several landmarks of campus, as well as secure riper bananas for the dining halls. One staff member said they saw the revamped bananas, and that "[the bananas] are browner than ever!" Yum.
Among the refurbishments, President Woman plans to fill the Pond with riper mud to spruce up the landscape, just in time for the new pictures for the Smith College website! One staff member said he saw the revamped mud, and that "[the mud] are browner than ever!" Yum.
Nevia '22 rocking that new uniform!
I for one am looking forward to this new future for Smith campus!
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