Eyewitnesses report that a certain sultry little flash drive has swapped spit with a record-breaking 42 Smithies on Saturday night, shattering the previous record of a cool 6 set by Becky Slaw ('86), earning her the nickname "Slawbby Style" Becky.
Students are hailing Miss Thang as a hero for demonstrating extreme bravery in these uncertain times. Her risk of Covid while she painstakingly shattered Becky's record was an elevated 38x more at risk, but she soldiered on. Becky's risk of Covid, in comparison, was an uninteresting and unimpressive zero. Probably because she invented Covid.
In an interview with the Sophian, the vape revealed that an essential part of her strategy was to transcend cliques in order to boost her numbers. "I was macking on the goths, jocks, freaks, AND geeks," said the little plastic bitch with the smoke. Becky's confirmed macks consisted entirely of the Smith Stitchers' Hat Division. Becky's confirmed smacks include anyone within arm's length of her face.
A parade will be thrown celebrating all incredibly successful and failed sluts on the quad, with College Hall's flag lowered to half mast in honor of everyone's best friend the vape, who exploded after being left in the sun for 15 minutes then run over by a Subaru Forester, resulting in Becky's only advantage in comparison (not having exploded under the powerful tread of Subaru's flagship SUV's all-wheel drive).
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