Breaking news! Residents in Wilder House woke up to a surprise outside their doors this morning: A union demand for recognition (and a dead bird—presumably unrelated). Evidently, the illegal cats roaming the halls of Wilder have unionized.
Live outside Wilder's living room
The Paradise Ponderer managed to secure a copy of the cats’ demands, and have framed it in our office on account of how cute and funny it is. Notable demands include:
Banning dogs from the mini-quad after 5pm
Increasing elevator button sensitivity so that the cats can press the buttons
Uninhibited access to Comstock
Fish Fridays in the dining hall (including but not limited to: trout, sardines, and pike)
An hourly pay increase of .25% per diem and a commission increase of 3% annually
More wet food
A 12% decrease in Smithies knitting them outfits and making them wear them
Until those demands are met, the cats are declaring a strike, and have gathered under the Wilder entrance’s couch where they are swatting at people’s feet as they walk by. The cats are encouraging a general strike, which the service dogs have ignored and the Animal Advocates of Smith College Club has fully embraced. Club meetings for the Animal Advocates will now take place under the Comstock entryway’s couch in solidarity, with club President Jackie Harmon taking minutes.
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