A Commencement Speaker Defines a Generation. Here's 10 Reasons Why 2023's Should be Miss Piggy.

Commencement is a HUGE deal, apparently. I want a woman I can trust leading that ceremony. Here's why that woman is Miss Piggy.

1. Miss Piggy is an LGBT Ally

Miss Piggy pictured with her gay twink boyfriend (gay rights!)

2. Miss Piggy is good friends with Michelle Obama

Two Girlbosses Teaching Children What Organized Religion Is

3. Miss Piggy could obliterate Jodi Shaw in one kick

HIIIIII-YAH! TRY GRIFTING ON FOX NEWS AFTER THAT, CHICKEN LADY

3. Miss Piggy is a Gemini

You guys like Zodiac signs, right?

4. Miss Piggy is an entrepreneur

Belle Delphine famously stole the idea of selling bathwater from "Piggy Water"

5. Smith College is so boring and sucks

Miss Piggy will spice up our sad, pathetic lives

6. Miss Piggy has never committed a war crime

Yet.

7. Her husband, Kermit, spoke at Southampton College in the 90s

Remember this twink?

8. I already submitted her name for real and don't want admin to think I'm weird, so you all should too

Remember this twink?

9. Miss Piggy is a feminist

So inspiring. Gloria Steinam would weep if only she would open my emails.

10. I love her.

Am I crazy? I want her.